


We Were Meant to Feel the Pain.

by Normal_Norman



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: After All Out War, Broken Daryl Dixon, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Jesus "dies", M/M, Nightmares, Poor Daryl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 03:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10958754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Normal_Norman/pseuds/Normal_Norman
Summary: Daryl and Jesus go on a run to a new city but Jesus disappears. Daryl spends many days looking for Jesus but he eventually gives up after two weeks. He's alone in the woods when he gets a terrifying surprise that turns into a relief.





	We Were Meant to Feel the Pain.

After the first attack on Negan, Paul invited him to stay in his trailer. Maggie had moved into the big house, Sasha was buried next to Abraham, and Enid was with Maggie. So, Paul had his trailer to himself and Paul knew Daryl didn't like to be surrounded by people. Daryl accepted and soon, they were growing closer. At first, it was just Paul relentlessly flirting with him then Paul started to touch him; on his arms, his shoulders, his knees. Soon Daryl was flirting back and touching Paul by bumping his shoulder as they were walking, brushing his hand when Paul was walking next to him or when Paul handed him something. Just the little things that one night, while they were sitting beside a fire, turned into one big thing that Daryl wouldn't trade for anything in the world.   
During the war, they were just two soldiers on the front lines but now that the war was over, they were just two humans trying to find some comfort in their inhuman world. They found that comfort in each other and never looked back. They'd found some happiness in their shitty world. Daryl was finally smiling more, laughing more, opening up more, and loving more. Paul was what he needed in his life after all the pain he'd been through and Daryl was what Paul needed after being abandoned by so many people. It'd been two years since the war and they were finally happy. 

~~~~~~~

Daryl can't remember the last time he ate or slept but he knows that it's been a long time. Rick keeps begging him to eat but he just walks away with a huff. He hasn't spoken to anyone since it happened, not even Carol. She came to see him when she got the news but he just ignored her and went into the woods.   
He can't bring himself to go into the trailer. He tried after it happened but as soon as he opened the door, Paul's scent hit him in the face and he fell to his knees. The only thing keeping his face from hitting the dirt was the death grip he had on the door. It took him 15 minutes to get up off his knees and when he did, he slammed the door and walked out the gates into the woods. He hasn't tried to go back in since. Even if he could get past the smell, remnants of Paul were still everywhere in there.   
It all just happened so fast. One second, Paul was right behind him as they ran from a group of walkers and the next, Daryl looked back and he was gone. Daryl ducked into an alley and ran through a building to get to where he thought he lost Paul but he couldn't find him anywhere. He was just gone.   
Daryl spent three whole days looking for Paul. At the beginning of the fourth, he found Paul's beanie in an old office building. It was covered in blood and Daryl feared the worst. He walked to the next level and found his handkerchief that was also covered in blood. Daryl had really started panicking then. He just kept making his way up and through the building. With each level, he found an article of Paul's that was covered in blood that Daryl sincerely hoped wasn't Paul's. When Daryl reached the roof, all he found was Paul's boots. Which meant that all Paul had was his shirt, pants, socks, and his knives.   
Daryl spent another two days searching every inch of every building near where he found Paul's things. He was gone. Daryl finally collapsed in the middle of the road on the seventh day. His voice was gone from calling out Paul's name for a week straight, his legs were jelly from running, and his stomach was as empty as his water jug. As much as he didn't want to go back to the Hilltop without Paul, he had no other choice.   
When he returned home, Maggie rushed out to greet him but came up short when she realized Paul wasn't with him. She had asked him where Paul was and he just shrugged then walked into Barrington house. He found the nearest empty room and collapsed on the bed. He slept for a few hours then when he woke up, he ate a little then went back out to look for Paul.  
He stayed out for three more days but found nothing. Not even a body or anymore articles of Paul's clothing. He was lost. Paul was his escape from this shitty world, just as he was Paul's. He stood in the middle of the main road and just yelled for Paul at the top of his lungs. The only response he got was the groans of walkers. Daryl just kept screaming out Paul's name. He'd even yelled “Jesus” a few times. Nothing. Paul was gone. It was like he just disappeared into thin air.   
Daryl went home once again, empty handed and hearted. He refused to eat, sleep, and all he did was go into the woods for hours or days on end.   
It's been over two weeks since Paul disappeared and over two weeks since Daryl lost the only thing he was still living for. Daryl was essentially giving up on everything; he wasn't eating, sleeping, or hunting. He was just done. He had nothing left in him.   
So, here Daryl was; in the woods on the makeshift seat he made out of a stump. His bow was beside him with a quiver full of arrows that he'd made a week ago to distract himself. He hasn't been taking care of his bow like he knows he should so the string was fraying and the rails were dry. He knows that if he tries to shoot it like that, he could very possibly get hurt. He doesn't care.   
He's lost in his memories of him and Paul when he hears a twig snap to his left. He doesn't even look up, he doesn't even grab for the knife on his lap, he doesn't even move in the slightest. He figures that if it's a walker, so be it. If it gets him, he'll be one step closer to Paul. If it's someone from the Hilltop, he’ll just ignore them like he always does.   
The memory of Paul smiling at him from the pond with the sun setting behind him is playing in his head when he lets his head fall back so he can lose himself in it. It plays out like a movie behind his eyelids and he smiles a sad smile.   
Paul is smiling at him with his hair plastered around his face while the water laps at his chest. Daryl is setting on the dock with his feet swaying back and forth in the water. Paul is telling him to join him but Daryl just smiles and shakes his head. He watches as Paul slowly swims over to him and pulls himself up to cross his arms on the dock beside Daryl. Daryl watches the way the muscles in Paul’s arms twitch from holding his weight. He smiles at him again and stands to remove his shirt and pants. He crouches down beside Paul and dives into the water with barely a splash. When he resurfaces, Paul is there and plants a warm kiss on his lips. Daryl wraps his arms around Paul and whispers an I love you in his ear. When he hears Paul say his name it sounds almost real.   
He opens his eyes and lifts his head to see a walker a few feet in front of him. His breath hitches when he realizes that the walker looks an awful lot like Paul. The walker steps closer and Daryl bursts into tears because that walker is Paul. Paul is a walker and Daryl would rather be dead than have to put the man he loves down.   
Daryl stands on shaky legs with sobs wracking his body and takes his knife into his hand. He steps closer to the walker and brings the knife above his head as he puts his shaky hand on it’s shoulder. He looks it dead in the eyes and his heart stops. It's eyes aren't sickly white, they're a gray-blue color. Just like Paul's.   
“Paul?” Daryl croaks as he drops the knife onto the ground and puts his hand on it’s other shoulder. He watches the thing in front of him nods it's head. He's covered in cuts and bruises. Some are deep and scabbing over while some are shallow and fresh. There's a long, deep cut on the left side of his face that trails down his neck to his shoulder and Daryl assumes that's where a lot of the blood he found came from. From the way Paul is standing, Daryl is pretty sure his leg is broken.   
“Dar-” Paul's voice is croaky and barely there. He licks his lips and tries again, “Daryl, ‘m sorry.”  
Daryl pulls him into a hug and starts to cry again. He feels Paul wrap his arms around his back and bury his face in his shoulder, “don't be sorry. Let's get you home.”   
Paul nods and slowly walks toward the Hilltop. Daryl notices that he's limping so he picks Paul up bridal style. He can barely hold him up and the sudden weight causes him to stumble but he's determined to get Paul home where he's safe. Paul lays his head on Daryl's chest and closes his eyes.   
“Stay with me, Paul. We're almost there. I'm not losing you again. Stay with me,” Daryl says when he looks down and sees Paul's eyes closed. He feels Paul hum against his chest and he breathes a sigh of relief when the walls of the Hilltop come into view.   
“Open the gates! Get Dr. Carson! Now! Go!” Daryl shouts as he gets closer to the gates. The gates are opened before he gets there and Dr. Carson and Maggie are rushing out to meet him.   
“Oh my god, is that Jesus? Is he alive?” Maggie asks as they follow Dr. Carson to the medical trailer. Daryl thanks every god he's ever heard of that Dr. Carson survived Negan and the war.   
“Yes, to both. Dunno how he found me but he did,” Daryl says as he walks into the medical trailer and gently lays Paul on the bed. Paul groans and reaches for Daryl's hand. Maggie pushes a chair up next to the bed and Daryl sits down next to Paul. He doesn't even notice that Maggie has left, his full attention is on the battered man in front of him.   
“Alright, Jesus, this is going to sting something awful but that leg is going to hurt worse. You ready?” Dr. Carson asks and Paul briefly nods his head. Daryl winces harder than Paul when Dr. Carson pours alcohol into the cut on Paul's face. Every time the doctor pours alcohol in a cut on Paul, Paul squeezes Daryl's hand and Daryl's heart breaks even more.   
“Alright, Daryl. I need your help to get his clothes off. I need to see if there are any more cuts anywhere else. Can you help me do that?” Dr. Carson asks after Paul's hands and face have been cleaned and bandaged. Daryl nods then stands to start unbuttoning Paul's shirt. Daryl gets the shirt unbuttoned and gently sits Paul up so he can slide the shirt off his shoulders. He gently lays him back down then goes to lift his waist so Dr. Carson can pull his pants down and off his legs. Dr. Carson removes his socks as Daryl removes his underwear then quickly covers his lower half with a sheet that Dr. Carson is handing him.   
Daryl almost falls to his knees when he sees all the bruises, cuts, and protruding bones that litter Paul's body. It looks like someone pushed him off of a 4 story building. That's when Daryl realizes that no one pushed Paul, Paul jumped off of that building two weeks ago to get away from walkers. He must have missed his target landing and fell four stories then ran as far as his battered body could take him to get away from the walkers. That's why Daryl couldn't find him; Paul wasn't where Daryl was looking. Paul must have been deeper in the city.  
“This is not good. Not good at all,” Dr. Carson says with a shake of his head. Daryl's head jerks up so fast that he thinks he may have given himself whiplash.   
“What's not good? Talk to me, doc,” Daryl says as he takes Paul's hand once more. He watches as Paul weakly rolls his head to look at the doctor.   
“Well, it looks as though Jesus has multiple broken ribs, a broken leg, he could have internal bleeding, some of these cuts are infected, and he's severely dehydrated. Essentially, it looks like he fell off a 3 or 4 story building. Jesus is lucky to be alive,” Dr. Carson says as he probes Paul's body with his hands to see if he can feel anything unusual.   
“Jumped. Missed the window, grabbed the ledge but lost my grip and fell 3 stories,” Paul tells him quietly. Daryl pushes a tangled bit of Paul's hair out of his face with a frown.   
“It's okay. We're gonna get you fixed up and back to normal in no time,” Daryl tells him with a weak smile. Paul smiles a little then closes his eyes. His brows furrow when Dr. Carson puts the IV needle into his arm. Daryl knows that it's to get Paul hydrated.   
“M’tired and hurting,” Paul mumbles as his breathing slows. Daryl runs his thumb across Paul's knuckles and starts to cry. Paul was alive and home. Paul was alive and that's all that mattered to him.   
“Okay, Daryl, we're gonna have to set his leg and get it in a cast immediately. If we can't set it, we may have to break it again then set it. Now, if we have to break it, Jesus is going to be in a lot more pain than he is right now. Put on some gloves and hand me that stretchy fabric on the counter,” Dr. Carson explains as Daryl stands and pulls some gloves out of the box on the wall. He grabs the fabric and hands it to the doctor then watches as he twists Paul's leg to align the bones correctly. Paul groans and Daryl places his gloved hand on his chest.   
“Shh, it's okay. I know it hurts but it's got to be done. Shh,” Daryl tells him in a soothing voice as Dr. Carson wraps the fabric around Paul's leg. He waits for more instruction as the doctor rolls on some padding.   
“Daryl, hand me that bowl and there are some bandages in the cupboard above Paul's head that say ‘cast bandages’. Get the whole box and set them right here,” Dr. Carson points to the bed beside Paul's leg. Daryl holds the bowl out then turns toward the cabinet when the doctor takes the bowl. He opens the cabinet and sees a box of bright pink and green bandages that says “cast bandages” on the front.   
He pulls them out and raises an eyebrow, “really, Doc? Pink and green?”  
“That's all the hospital had so that's what we have to work with. He’ll be fine and at least you'll be able to see him,” Dr. Carson says with a smile then holds his hand out for the bandages. Daryl hands them over and watches as he dips them into the mixture in the bowl. It doesn't take the doctor long to cover Paul's leg with the bandages.   
“Okay, while that's drying, we're going to finish treating and bandaging these wounds. I don't believe he has internal bleeding because if he did, he'd be dead by now,” Dr. Carson says, matter of factly.   
“How long does it take for that to dry?” Daryl asks as he points to the cast.   
“The outer layer will be dry in 15 to 20 minutes but it takes a day or two for the whole thing to dry. Thankfully, Jesus will be in here for a few days while he gets hydrated so you won't have to worry about that,” Dr. Carson says while focusing on a particularly long and deep cut on Paul's chest. Daryl sits down and stares at Paul's chest.   
“Doc, why isn't his chest moving? Doc, he's not breathing!” Daryl stands abruptly and puts his hand on Paul's pulse point. The doctor doesn't look up from where he's working and just shrugs.   
“Doc, he has no pulse! Doc, what's going on?” Daryl shakes the doctor and when the doctor finally looks up at him, he's smiling. Daryl releases him and stumbles back toward the door.   
“Oh, come on Daryl. Did you really think that Jesus was actually alive? Jesus is dead and you left him to die. You left Jesus and now he's dead in that city. He's dead because of you! This is your fault! Jesus is a walker and he's coming for you,” Dr. Carson says with a wicked smile as he stands and walks over to Daryl. Daryl reaches behind himself for the handle of the door and pushes it open then stumbles outside.  
He looks around the Hilltop and notices that the walls are gone along with all the people. Barrington house is ablaze and he can hear people screaming. He runs to Paul's trailer and sees that it's gone up in flames also. Everything is on fire, including the medical trailer he just came out of. He grabs his head as the world starts spinning out of control and he's breathing so hard his lungs are burning. He feels like he's dying so he screams at the top of his lungs.   
~~~  
He jolts awake in Paul's bed in their trailer. Soon after he sits up, Paul is rubbing his back and whispering calming things in his ear. Daryl grabs him and pulls him into a crushing hug then kisses his lips hard.   
“Daryl, are you okay?” Paul asks quietly when they part. Daryl can feel wetness on his cheeks and shakes his head. He brings a hand to his face to wipe away his tears then reaches out and touches Paul's just to make sure that it's actually Paul.   
“No, I'm not okay. I don't wanna go on that run in the morning. We can't go on that run,” Daryl says quickly as Paul stares at him with a frown. Paul reaches up and brushes Daryl's hair away from his eyes. Tears form in Daryl's eyes again as he thinks about the dream he just had. It felt so real and he can't lose Paul. Not again.   
“Okay, we won't go. I'll have Maggie send someone else. We'll stay in here all day and read books or whatever you want to do. We won't go, I promise. Do you want to go back to sleep or go look at the stars? That normally calms you down,” Paul says as he takes Daryl's hand in his own and stands up. Daryl loves that he already knows what Daryl is going to say. Stars are one of Daryl's favorite things in this world.   
Daryl stands and follows Paul out of their trailer. Paul leads them to the picnic table and let's go of Daryl's hand to sit on top of it. Daryl takes his seat on the tabletop next to Paul and lays back. Paul lays down next to him and starts pointing out the constellations.   
Daryl smiles and sends a silent thank you to God that it was just a horrible, terrifyingly realistic dream. Paul is alive and well. They're still happy and in love. Paul is his everything and Daryl would lose his mind if he lost him. Daryl silently vows to make a dreamcatcher later that day and hang it right above their bed. He never wants to have a dream like that again.

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly tried to make this a Major Character Death where Jesus dies but I just could not bring myself to do that. I'm a sucker for happy endings.


End file.
